Can u check my grammar?

It might seems long but it's not long. There's a quote in it.



I was wondering if you can check my grammar and if you want, can you add/edit things too.



Please and Thank you in advance :]]





In The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini illustrates how Amir’s jealousy towards Hassen leads him to think cruelty. Amir was so happy and proud of himself for writing a story all by himself. He was so excited to share his story with Hassen. He felt proud while he was reading his story to Hassen until Hassen said something that transform his proudness into jealousy. Hassen suggested that Amir’s main character to cut an onion instead of killing his wife. Amir begins to think to self. “What does he know, that illiterate Hazara? He’ll never be anything but a cook.” (34). Consequently Amir’s jealousy leads him to have cruel thoughts about Hassen. Even though Amir goes to school while Hassen stays at home, Hassen is still more intelligent. In Amir’s mind, he believes that he is far more intelligent and better than Hassen because Amir is Pashtun while Hassen is a Hazara. As soon as Hassen told Amir about the onion idea, Amir felt low because he did thought of the idea which a Hazara, who thought of it. Due to this incident, it leads Amir to think cruel about Hassen saying how Hassen is just a Hazara. He was trying to put Hassen down in his mind in order to make him feel better about himself.Can u check my grammar?
In The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini illustrates how Amir’s jealousy towards Hassen leads him to think cruelly. Amir was happy and proud that he had written a story all by himself. He was excited and wanted to share his story with Hassen. He felt proud as he read his story to Hassen until Hassen said something that transformed his pride to jealousy. Hassen suggested that Amir’s main character should cut an onion instead of killing his wife. Amir thought to himself, “What does he know, that illiterate Hazara? He’ll never be anything but a cook.” (34). Consequently, Amir’s jealousy led him to think cruel thoughts about Hassen. Even though Amir attended school while Hassen stayed home, Hassen was more intelligent. In Amir’s mind, he felt that he was far more intelligent and better than Hassen because Amir was Pashtun while Hassen was a Hazara. As soon as Hassen told Amir about the onion idea, Amir felt low because he hadn't thought of the idea while a Hazara had thought of it. This incident led Amir to cruel thoughts about Hassen, such as the idea that Hassen is just a Hazara. Amir wanted to put Hassen down in his mind, so that he could feel better about himself.Can u check my grammar?
I agree with the above poster, with the exception of these sentences (the way he wrote them):



This incident, led Amir to cruel thoughts about Hassen;such as that Hassen is just a Hazara. He wanted to put Hassen down in his mind, so that he could feel better about himself.



There should be no comma after incident, no semicolon after Hassen (make it a comma), and there is no comma after mind.